Sixty Five

I have been in China for a total of 65 days and have hit the half way point of my four month adventure. Sometimes I feel like I have been here FOREVER, but most the time I feel like I just got here. When we had our training a big topic we covered was Culture Shock. I remember thinking, “Pffft, I’ll be fine.” Culture shock is REAL, people. I don’t know if I realized that when I had a taxi driver yell at us angrily in Chinese at a stoplight in Shanghai, when I went to a restaurant and saw that all the plates of “food” had creatures that were still wriggling around, or when I saw the first Asian adult casually pooping in the street. China is a very advanced country, but I tend to forget that when the public bathrooms are porcelain holes in the ground or when the guy next to me just hocked a loogie in the middle of a very busy Beijing train station.

Don’t ask questions when the rolls they give you are purple, or when you’re served hot water with your meal. If you’re susceptible to getting car sick you are toast. There are no rules to driving in China. If there are, no one follows them. What’s a speed limit? What’s a lane?  There are 456879 cars driving towards me? I’m still going to turn left right now. I learned that they have to take five drivers tests to get their license here. I don’t know how anyone passed. If you don’t feel like walking back to the school from the grocery store you can catch a taxi for about seventy five cents. The catch is that it’s a white little three wheeled car that could break down at any given moment. If you are any race other than Asian you will receive a lot of attention. Cars will be driving past and slow down or stop to record a video or take a picture. Some try to hide it and be sneaky while others will stop right in front of you. People will put babies in your arms, take a picture, frame it and put it above their kitchen table. They make me feel like the most beautiful alien.

China has a very particular smell to it. Anyone who has been here understands and anyone who hasn’t has no idea. There is a China smell and there is a China taste. Some things taste more China than others. Sometimes the China smell is worse than others. The point is that I can’t tell you how many times I have said the phrase, “It tastes like China.” It’s not always bad and it’s not good. It’s just China. We will see American brand foods and buy them sometimes. They will be good, but not like at home because they taste like China. China has become its own adjective. I am living, breathing, eating, and smelling China.

If there’s something you need to know about Natalie Nicole Draper it’s that I have an irrational fear of octopus and people walking in on me in the bathroom. I’ve decided in this moment that that’s the most important thing you can know about me. Well, let me tell you, being here has made these fears seem a lot more rational. Get that squirming octopus out of my line of sight! NO. I do not want to eat it off my plate. I do NOT want to eat it off a stick. I saw a couple sharing an octopus kabob and all I could do was stare at them with disgust. DISGUST. They’re creepy and they’re slimy and their tentacles are going to rip your face off. Fact. Probably. I hate them and they’re everywhere and it’s ruining my life. Okay, not really. As far as being walked in on while being in the vulnerable state of relieving yourself…. I had a previous traumatic event that stemmed this one. A lucky few know the story, but I will spare the rest of you the details. However, some coworkers at H&M liked to make fun of me every time they heard me lock the bathroom door twice. I just had to make sure that I was safe. Judge me, okay!? As previously stated, western toilets are a rarity and you usually find squatters. Sometimes there are individual stalls with doors and locks, sometimes there are no doors, sometimes there are no stalls. Sometimes I want to curl up and die. Isn’t it awkward enough having to squat in a weird way,  pull down your pants and maneuver them in such a way to withstand peeing on them or your shoes, in the comfort of your own privacy!? Well, please do it in front of all these people now. Don’t even get me started on peeing on a moving train. TMI? Boys have it so easy. Maybe my parents should have taken me camping more as a child to prepare me for this.

Fireworks go off at all times of day and almost every day of the week. The ice cream they serve at McDonalds is pink and picking your nose in front of everyone is no big deal. I actually gagged in class today when one of my students was digging for gold and found some. He was showing his nose treasure to his friends and I physically GAGGED. I’m not ready to be a mother. Being surrounded by people that speak a different language than you can be fairly stressful. On more than one occasion have I had a Chinese member of society say something to me in Chinese where I just freeze and stare at them. “Oh, maybe if I say it slower this blonde alien will understand me.” No. I don’t speak fast Chinese and I really don’t speak slow Chinese. We’ve all had to master moving our hands around and pointing to what we need. It feels normal having to do this now. A perk involved is that you don’t have to filter anything you say while out in public. We have freely talked about our periods or the diarrhea that the food has given us in the back of a taxi, but felt perfectly comfortable because as far as our driver knows we are talking about getting our nails done.

If anyone wants information for a future trip to China I would say these three things. First, your money is going to go a lot farther here than it would in America. For every US dollar is 6.5 yuan. The converse I bought were 120 yuan which ended up being around $18. Or my Beats headphones were a solid $25. I get a massive bowl of noodles for $1.07. This helps soothe my anxiety when I think about how I haven’t been employed for the last two months. Second, it is more than possible to travel in a country without speaking the language. Don’t feel stupid because everyone else in the same boat is stupid too. But really, enough people know broken English that you can make your way around. What’s even more helpful is that in big cities all the signs are in English as well as Chinese. Third, and most importantly, buy all the snickers you see because they are so cheap and so much better here than they are in America.

This face was not staged

Cafeteria Food

From our favorite Ramen place

One of the babies I plan on stealing