I finally signed up for classes while I was gone and felt like it was all coming together for me. I had been having some stomach issues so I had my mom set up a doctor's appointment for me as soon as I returned. I was getting ready to fly to Chicago for a week. But needless to say, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. I came home from my incredibly, life-changing adventure and was diagnosed with a "Mucinous Borderline Tumor with Intrepithelial Carcinoma." In English, that basically means that I had developed Ovarian Cancer, but was miraculously blessed, against the odds, that this kind of cancer stays inside the tumor and doesn't spread. I was ordered to stay home from my Chicago trip and was scheduled for surgery the next week. My tumor weighed 12 pounds. While talking with the doctor, I was told that if I had been pregnant, I measured like someone five or six months along. So to everyone who did think I was pregnant, you were right about me growing something in my belly. Just something a lot uglier than a cute, bouncing baby.
Right after surgery, we were told (based on a test done during surgery) that my tumor was benign (or non-cancerous). However, we went to my post-op appointment and were told that diagnosis wasn't quite the case. With the one ovary I have left, there's an approximate 1 in 4 chance I could develop another tumor. So while it was really weird hearing that I technically had cancer, the hardest part for me through all of this was the fact that I might not be able to start my own little family one day. I might not be able to have my own little Natalies running around and that's been a hard pill for me to swallow. I've always been that girl that has been obsessed over cute little babes and wanting to buy onesies when I've never been anywhere close to having a child.
Due to my apartment flooding while I was in China, I was freed from my contract and have been living with my parents in Farmington until I move for school. My poor, sweet mother had to move all my stuff for me. What an angel. So while I wasn'te sure how excited I was to live at home, it has turned into the biggest blessing. My parents have helped me so much through my recovery. So, as weird as it sounds, I'm grateful my apartment flooded. You never think about what good can come from a flood while it's happening. So while I have my moments or even days when I'm sad about the fact that I have no social life in Farmington, potential future health problems, this 10 inch incision that makes me look like a chainsaw massacre victim, or whatever else-- I realize it's all going to be okay when I'm having the time of my life in Harry Potter World with two of my favorite people. Or how much I loved my kids in China if I end up having to adopt to start my own family. Even in realizing that my scar is a battle wound a badge of honor.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. All the love and support I have received through all of this has been astonishing. I have never felt so loved, from all the messages, texts, comments, and phone calls. I would consider myself a private person, but all of this has been out in the open and I've realized it's okay to talk to people about your struggles and your sorrows. It's been mentioned to me that maybe I shouldn't tell guys I'm dating about this new discovery. But this is my struggle. I shouldn't shy away or be ashamed of it. Life can be really hard, but if we'll stop to look for the silver linings in the tough times, we'll find it's all worth it.
I'm so excited to start a new chapter of my life in Logan. I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life and it feels good. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to keep going on road trips, eating too much ice cream, and staring at cute babies.
